please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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