moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize