he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
