every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
