guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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