your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
