How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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