forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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