my phone needs a breathalizer
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
