You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
