I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize