I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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