He uses pillows to masturbate.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the day after is always just damage control
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
