My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
birth control should be required to get into college
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
