I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize