she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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