can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
