I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
