margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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