So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
