So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
