this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
