one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
