youre lurking in front of me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
