it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
