i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
