i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
