What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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