I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
