just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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