we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
