Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
