After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
