Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
