Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
