I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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