So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
