I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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