No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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