My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
