One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
