I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
