I didn't shave. On purpose
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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