Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
