If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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