I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
