omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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