just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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