I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
