god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
