meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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