sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
