Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize