Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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