just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
