3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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