how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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