carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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