i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
