Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
