so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
