If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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