he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
