Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize