i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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