i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
