dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
