just come out here and I will go home with you...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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