i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
