Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
