His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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