my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
