singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
