Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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