I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize