I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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