i think my tv is drunk
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
