Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
