One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
