Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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