Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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