I would go down on you faster than GM stock
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
