its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
