This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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