The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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