dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
