Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
