his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
