I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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