I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I want a musical about memes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
