Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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