Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
