What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
