i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
