Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize