The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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