Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
