WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
