I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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