i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
