So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
