The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
