it wasn't lemon gatorade
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
