Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Boobs are out for the taking
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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