I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
