it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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