Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
