I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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