I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
