This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
