your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
