Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She bit a glass in half.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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