we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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