My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
